#Mamavation Monday: Where I Go to Work . . . .

I've fallen and I can't get up.  What's worse: this happens to me a lot.  I'm a Monday morning quarterback when it comes to dieting and I usually give up come the next day.  Now. I could either keep up this cycle (which doesn't seem as destructive as, say, 5 years ago) or I can change.  But I think the most important thing I need to change is my mind.  How do I get my brain to stop sabotaging itself (or my body, or me)?

First of all, I think I procrastinate working out and fail to plan healthy meals because of fear.  While not fully conscious of it, I think I fear change. Of having to take responsibility for my health and translate theory (the ideas to enable consistency in healthy eating and fitness) to practice.  I also think I fear trusting myself.  What if I actually followed through with my plans and . . . they worked!  I'm afraid of losing that entertaining cynicism about dieting. This might be confusing but as a woman, like many women I know, I use self-deprecating humor to connect to other people.  What if I couldn't make fun of myself as a way to connect with others?  If I love myself, will I be fun to be around?  Lots of questions here and no answers.  But I'm going to believe I'm on my way to change because I'm starting to isolate my reasons to not lose weight and . . . .

I've started thinking about when I've been successful.  Not as a way to whine and say, "I've done this and this and this.  Why can't I lose the weight?"  More as a way to say, "How did I accomplish something in these other areas of my life?"  And I think I came up with my answer: When I think of a set of duties as a job, I follow through.

I've only been fired in my life from one job--as a hostess at a sit-down restaurant.  I deserved to be fired.  I was bad at it.  But I've kept every other job I've had and I've been consistently praised within that context.  Also, I managed to collect three degrees.  For the last one (and the hardest one), I managed to get someone else to pay me on a regular basis to complete that program.  In all of these instances, I approached them as jobs.  I have this irritating habit of going to work and supporting the mission of my employer--even through sickness and pregnancy.  I come from immigrant pull-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps ideology on one side of my family and ethnic/cultural difference which drives us to prove how fabulous we are on the other side.  And work is often the context in which I get significant external validation.  Of course work is important.  And the areas in which I consistently struggle are the areas which I do not define as my job.  For example, if I thought of keeping my house clean as a job, I would schedule cleaning and organizing more than I do.  If I look at this blog as an enjoyable hobby, I would probably fail to work on it with any consistency.  But as soon as I tell myself, "Self, this blog is your small business," I sit up a little straighter, answer emails, network on twitter and pound out blog entries (all of which I enjoy, by the way, but *&%$ its a job!).

So . . . if I reframe how I think of healthifying my life as my job, then I'm more likely to do it, right?  That is what I'm doing.  It is a job that will pay me back in better mental attitude, healthier body, modeling activity and longevity for my daughters.  Win-win, people!

And I gotta say that every time I go to SUBWAY and see that image of Jared huffing and puffing his way to running a marathon, I get motivated.  Yeah, he doesn't look like he's enjoying himself but he's not letting himself be paralyzed by fear.  He is a role model.

• So, for this week, reframe-ing my attitude.  Taking care of this body and this life is a job.  As such, I will work on our meal plan tonight for the whole week
• treat working out like a job (I'll be starting as an intern so baby steps)
• put aside time each day to visualize job success
• stop eating and reading/computing at the same time (would I multi-task like that if my job is eating mindfully?  Noooooo.)

#Mamavation Monday

Last week's #mamavation post was more of a plea to the sistahood to let me in.  I blogged, I tweeted, I pledged and @bookieboo notified me that I was in.  YESSSSS!  Now comes the work.  To the right, you see my newly pedicured toes on the scale. Yes, I'm posting my weight (gasp!) and I can only hope that my students never put this image in a powerpoint presentation for class (that's not funny, kids! especially when i'm in charge of your grade.).  Yes, in case you can't see that number on the scale, its 191.4.  To change habits, one has to be organized.  If anything, I have always had the desire to eat healthy and get active--I've just suffered from lack of organization.  So here's my map for success for this week:

Meal plan: in which I use prepackaged protein-rich food for breakfast and lunch (oatmeal, progresso light soups, lean cuisine, etc) supplemented with servings of fruit and/or veggies.  For dinner, I'll eat what my family is eating: protein/veggie/starch/fruit.  But I'll be measuring out portions on my kitchen scale which, I've discovered, doesn't feel like a chore. I've made a meal plan for our family dinners and a complete meal plan for all of my meals/snacks.  Both are on the fridge.  Yesterday the hub did the grocery shopping for this week's meals and on Wednesday we get a new fruit & veggie box.

Activity: Walking 30 mins MWF (for starters). 30 Day Shred TTHSat (as much as I can do for starters).

This week I purchased some tools I need for success:

• Salter kitchen scale
• 3 lb weights
• 2 pairs Keen walking sandals: Mary Janes and Newport H2s; I'll use both mostly for walking to/from work and 30-45 min walks.

This week's sponsor of our Mamavation blogging carnival is SUBWAY. They are giving away a green iPod and iTunes card to one lucky person who mentions them in their Mamavation Monday post.  Oh SUBWAY, I'm mentioning you!

Here is the Mamavation Monday post, http://www.mamavation.com/2010/10/mamavation-mondays-welcome-mamavation-finalists.html. Our guests will be the Mamavation Finalists.  I watched the finalists' videos this weekend and I loved them all!  You can watch them here and vote for your favorite finalist.

 I've got some shout-outs for the finalists:
@its_gail: you were hilarious in your video and nice graphics!
@rachelsteffen: you look really tall and such a great smile!
@momma_oz: i can relate to those voices in your head--they're the same as mine!
@CJinKY: I am totally reading your twitter handle as "See Jinky" & you're funny!
@bodhi_bear: you seem pretty zen. i'm jealous . . . in a supportive way, of course!
@couponprincess: jeggings! lol! and i like your kitchen!

SISTA OF THE WEEK: And a BIG congratulations to Amanda of @beeacutie2 for being the Sista of the Week!

Don't forget to RSVP for the Twitter party 10/18, http://www.mamavation.com/2010/09/mamavation-twitter-party-launch.html.

Can't wait to see what kind of personal growth and (loss . . . of inches and lbs, ha!) the sistas and I have this week!

From Nutrisystem Updates to Mamavation Mondays

I missed my last Nutrisystem update.  My total loss for a month was 9lbs and I was feeling good even though I was more than a little worried about what would happen when I go back to meal prep on my own.  Combine the end of the Nutrisystem gravy train with the hub heading out of town for the second time in a month--for over a week each time.  I can usually get through the first few days of being a single parent before I realize how hard it is and beg the hub to come back pronto. 

Both of those currents running through my life led to The Weekend of Crappy Eating--which I've just now pulled my head out of (complete with crappy food hangover headache).  I'm back on my home-made plan with consists of me eyeballing the number of calories and grams of protein in the Nutrisystem servings and matching up regular ole supermarket equivalents.  I'm also stuffing the same amount of veggies and fruits down every day.  When I'm not feeling mentally drained from single parenting, this pseudo Nutrisystem works well.

Being on Nutrisystem helped me to realize the importance of portion control.  It was a useful month-long experiment.  I'm now pledging the Mamavation sistahood which is kind of like a sorority only cooler and without the annual dues.  So, to the Sistahood, I want in, ladies! I will support other Mamavation sistas on Twitter, on Mamavation TV and the network of sista blogs.  Because when I support you, I receive support as well--whether its a virtual pat on the back from a sista or whether its just getting inspired by the fabulousness of moms doing it for themselves.

At this point in my life (my early 40s and the heaviest I've ever been), I would love some cheer-leading.  I've dieted in secret for many years.  I don't know how secret it was--not like my size is a secret.  But to admit my problem to others was to admit my weakness so I wasn't hip to that groove.  In the meantime, because of work and family stress, I got bigger.  I'm ready to admit that I have a problem and that I want to do what it takes to solve it.

My big challenge is getting myself to be more active.  I know I need to do it but something in my brain is holding me back.  I need the sistas to talk me through this block.  I've taken the mini-van away from myself starting today when I rode the bike to work (and got rained on, mahalo sky!).  Everything I need is within walking/riding distance so I'm moving my body to get to work and to the store.

I have no idea how the Sistahood keeps track of weekly inch loss and/or weight loss so I hope any sista stopping by can tell me.  I also don't know the guidelines for eating and/or moving.  I do know I need a community in which I feel supported and can return that support to others.  I hope I've found it.